Being socially awkward.

Originally published 19th December 2025 on my NeuroDiversity University Blog Facebook Page.

On my main page I've shared some exciting ventures coming up in 2026.

And if I were attending these as a newbie, I would be petrified. Delivering these is scary but let me tell you a secret. Running them is easier for me than attending them. Running them means I get to plan details. I get to figure data, timing, content. And the best bit of all is I get to have a role.

Facilitating it gives me a focus and a purpose. I have a big dose of autonomy and something to do. Yes Imposter Syndrome is present, like 'who-the-fuck left me in charge'.

But also, 'do they know it's me doing this, have they realised I ramble on when nervous, are they aware I have a memory like a sieve, have they ever seen the inside of my lips stuck to my dry teeth when I'm scared, and will they find out I say daft, inappropriate things when stuck'.

And facilitating is STILL easier than attending.

If attending, my heart will beat so fast it'll jump out of my chest. I'll talk shite to random people. I'll say things I don't mean. I'll look happy whilst crying on the inside. I'll sweat. I'll pretend to look comfortable whilst my body hurts. I'll spend the whole time like a rabbit in headlights. I'll have adrenalin flying around my body causing havoc. I'll not hear everything that's being said whilst simultaneously mishearing what people actually say whilst fumbling to answer questions they did not ask.

And utterly worse of all. I'll spend the whole time wondering what to do.

What will I DO. What will the DOING be.

So yes, please do come to my groups, it'll be so relaxing and easy and safe and wonderously happy. Everyone will be so chill and it'll flow so naturally.

I'm lying/being sarcastic.

I'm sure I'm meant to make my groups appealing except I believe that Adhd and Autistic People need honestly. And information.

And to know they aren't alone.

That IS what makes my groups appealing/possible.

Not the shiny marketing ploys but raw truth instead.

I can not say they will be safe because I do not know what each attendee needs in order to feel safe.

I'll be trying though. I will be trying really hard to make it as safe as I can for you.

I promise you, you will not be the only scared one.

I promise you that nearly all of us will think everyone else is doing fine and we are the only one 'getting it wrong'.

I know that I look all cosey and warm and happy. And it's true. I am those things. I know I am approachable with kindness.

I know that I mostly have a comfy presence, like a pair of Nordic socks in winter (ignore this line if socks are an icky thing for you).

But I will also be all those uncomfortable things I describe above.

So many times I have got the urge to facilitate a group and I feel excited. But the dread creeps in and I don't know what to do and the enthusiasm disappears.

But maybe old age = I give less f#cks.

Maybe I'm getting more familiar with and more comfortable with my discomfort.

Radical acceptance is kind of cool like that.

I can be awkward and that's ok. I'm awkward AND approachable.

These are Adhd/Autistic groups so of course they will be wonky and weird. But at least we will all be wonky and weird together.

Ffs if you all turned up easy and relaxed I'd probably question if you were Adhd and or Autistic at all.

My plan is to list exactly what will happen, in advance so you can be as prepared as possible.

I'll sort pictures to show the entrance and where you go once you step out of your vehicle.

It's ok if you cancel 10 times in a row, fighting the wish to come with the wish to not face us.

I'll not tell you off. I'll empathise because I understand.

Why? Because Socially awkward isn't a defect, it is not really a thing.

It is a need for something different to what is 'normally' offered.

It highlights a need.

And it's actually fantastic to get a need met. Bring it on.

So come along if you want.

Ask me questions beforehand.

Give me your concerns.

Tell me what you need and I'll let you know honestly if it is possible.

If it's on-line you can have your camera off and just type in the chat box.

If there's an adjustment you need please ask.

If you have a big bum and need to know there's a big bum seat, tell me.

If you want to bring cuddly blankets or things to stim, please do. I'll be bringing mine.

Adjustments are not just for children.

Adjustments are for all of us, the Professionals and the Facilitators too.

Adjustments are for humans.

I'm waffling here so you are prepared and have time to process what you need.

This is care. This is Love.

For clarity this isn't my Flier.

This is the pre pre planning. This is the transparent Bloggy bit where I share reality.

Fliers and more detail to follow on my other Page Jill Holly - NeuroDiversity University when I know what the f#ck I'm doing.

Forgot to say: I'll also be petrified of wetting myself because I have a nervous weak bladder so I will check out the toilet situation too.

Over and out.

Jill

Landscape of the Rollright Stones today, UK. Green grass, grey stones, hills and a blue sky with white clouds.