Today I am tired. A stressful email late last night. Not a good choice. I read it and should have 'known' to delay reading until this morning. Timing is often compromised, and my impulsivity bounces out. I then hyperfocused on it, replying eloquently and passionately. That isn't the awesome bit. Or rather, there is another awesome bit. Wired up, I struggled to sleep peacefully. I was so tired but my brain buzzed. I was so tired I did not 'do' the helpful things that I know help.
The actual interesting, and awesome bit, is that this morning, very tired and 'compromised', I am firing off brilliant ideas. My mind is more creative and soulful than on a normal day.
I am tired and I am MORE awesome.
Being Awesome aka ADHD, is challenging. It is not a deficit. It is challenging. Excitedly challenging and tiringly challenging. But it is not a deficit. In an ADHD-friendly world, I would be able to work and live more flexibly. I would take a nap because my body needs one right now, however, I have a day full of training and clients, so I cannot. I would have a few more gaps in my diary than money allows, so I wiggle clients around, where it is convenient.
As it is, clients know that I take random duvet days. They know I am a tad chaotic at times. And they know this in advance of working with me. They have the autonomy to choose whether my way of working clashes with their way of being. And I am at capacity.
Clients also know that I provide them with the same autonomous level of flexibility.
They need to know I understand them. That it is ok when they forget to pay and I gently remind them, whilst remembering I did not pay my own clinical supervisor last week 🤓.
It is ok if they need a Duvet day themselves. I will wiggle their appointment into another gap.
That it is ok to arrange a school visit when a client is too nervous to meet me in my space. This takes time and resources and I do not charge extra if I don't have to. Penalising a client because they are scared of new things, is discriminating.
I get tired and need breaks and flexibility. This is not because I am a deficit.
When I am awesome, I am efficient and more productive 'because' I manage my energy. It is clever to work and live in such a way that overall, I am more efficient and capable 'because' I am ADHD.
My energy levels and awesomeness levels fluctuate. And my awesomeness can tire me depending on lifestyle, environment and stimulation. I do not always choose stimulation.
Often, stimulation chooses me 🤓.
I cannot predict someone saying something that sparks me awake. I may watch a programme and whoosh, I am ignited. A friend or peer may ask a question and whoosh, I am ignited. My daydreaming and imagination can stimulate me.
And so. I am tired today. I am likely to forget basic things. I have walked up to a shelf 3 times today already, reached for something and have no idea what I am reaching for.
And I will also be sparky and awesome and different.
Today I am very ADHD.
No need to thank me.
Here is a cat picture. Cat is not mine. I often send cat pictures when Clients are tired and need to rest.
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