Chilli Cake and Validation
- Jill Holly
- Aug 23, 2023
- 1 min read
NeuroDivergent folk are very often invalidated. We are told we are too sensitive, too much, or that we are making a fuss. We are told to get on with it and push through (aka masking).
Firstly, step into my brain or shoes and try saying the same. You are lucky if you do not feel the Sensory pain we do or the emotional overwhelm that engulfs us.
To invalidate our struggle shows your privilege because 'if you knew', you would be kind, empathise and validate us.
To help understand, particularly to parents when they do not understand children's big reactions, I use the idea of a cake split into 20 pieces. (This is about Adults too).
Imagine one piece has the hottest yuk chilli and not the creamy sweet sponge. That one piece may only be 5% of the cake but to the person that gets the chilli piece, it is 100% chilli. Imagine it is all sponge with egg, but one person has an egg allergy. Same cake, different reaction.
Being unhappy at the time is valid.
That 'overaction', the 'oversensitivity', the 'too muchness' is NOT overacting, NOT oversensitive, NOT too much.
Because our experience is not your experience. Our reaction is not your reaction.
So how dare you invalidate and belittle us.
No offence to chillies and chilli lovers. However, you can keep your chilli.
Pic of a decorated cake
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