Destruction

Originally published 20th December 2025 on my NeuroDiversity University Blog Facebook Page.

I just had a mini meltdown purely because something I really wanted, happened, but unexpectedly.

It took me by surprise. This good thing.

The day didn't look like it was meant to. It changed things for that moment.

I don't know how else to explain it but I know others like me 'get it'.

Trying to vocalise my distress, whilst knowing I look unhinged, whilst knowing it could be interpreted as me not wanting the thing I wanted, was too overwhelming for me.

So I melted. Messily.

Again, I'm wanting to be clear this was about a good thing, something I really wanted. It was not a reaction to something I don't like.

This is how my Monotropic Body-Brain functions. Monotropism is not good nor bad. Monotropism is a deep-diving flow and when I am forced in or out of flow, I am fully dysregulated.

Deep-diving Monotropic flow is not about just thinking/interests. Everything is flowing. Being Monotropism means every thing about being Human is Monotropic.

Thoughts, emotions, body senses. All and everything.

And it is the transitioning/forcing/moving/changing that causes the Dysregulation. See Monotropic Split for more about this.

It is HOW I move between states that dictates whether I dysregulate/am ok or not.

Back to my story.

Once my meltdown happened I stayed with my feelings, did some EFT and Reiki, and settled.

Then I could talk to my safe people and explain what happened.

An ignorant observer could interpret me and my physical reaction as a character weakness.

As a historical Masker/Fawner, this real time crumbling is progress and comes from a place of honesty and healing.

Meltdowns, wobbles, Dysregulation, Emotions, Distress - it all needs to stop being Pathologised.

We are not a character weakness when we melt.

Trauma and distress is real and whilst I have hypo interoception I also have hyper emotional interoception.

These emotional reactions are a physical injury for me. I'm just not aware of the physical nature of it. For me it is felt as emotions.

The aftermath is that I am now very very tired.

My body HAS just had a physiological injury.

That's what a Meltdown does to me. See it as physiological please.

We need to understand Psychological Trauma as Physiological injury (see previous post).

We need to start respecting our humanness and stop being scared of this humanness.

Quote "For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn't understand growth, it would look like complete destruction." Cynthia Occelli