It's hot. Or is it?

Originally posted on 12th May 2024 on NeuroDiversity University Blog FaceBook page.

I replied on another post and thought I'd copy it here.

And yes, I've written several posts this week. I'm avoiding some Admin/boring work stuff and this is where I'm most creative - in that avoidance space . If I wanted to be creative and wordy and set time for it, of course I'd get writers block. This is how I roll.

Anyhoodle. I'm writing about my support needs being invisible. Yes my Support Needs are invisible. Not just Admin and I.T. They are also spikey, changeable, some call it a dynamic profile. It doesn't feel particularly dynamic truth be told.

Yes my highs, my monotropic high flows are dynamic but even they often come at a cost.

I'm talking about the changeable (and invisible) inconsistent nature of my support needs.

My needs fluctuate dependent upon:

• Capacity.

• Sensory status.

• Spoons.

• Hormones.

• Support available.

• Environment.

• Exec Function ability.

• View of self in any moment.

• Demands - internal.

• Demands - external.

• Sleep.

All of that fluctuates and is invisible to others. And because of Interoception and Alexithymia differences, it's often invisible to me. Yes. My needs are often invisible to me.

Today it's hot. Being hot is a sensory yuk for me for 2 reasons.

1. Temperature.

2. Texture of sweat.

Often it's only when I am cooler I notice I had/have overheated. I can't manage being hot if I don't recognise I'm hot. I only notice it either in a huge hyper immediately dysregulated way (often then invalidated by others) OR not at all (but I'm harmed without knowing it).

In which case it's really hard to meet my own needs.

People around me are good at noticing tell tell signs and getting me to check in on myself. They may tell me I look hot or that it's likely I'm hot. They may tell me I'm due a drink or wee or break. I don't always notice it. It's complicated because I am someone you'd expect to know this 'simple' stuff.

Pre Diagnosis (and pre learning) I used to feel real shame about this. Shame is not good.

I'd fib afterwards that I wasn't hot or tired because I'd feel judged for not realising something so simple. It's not simple for me and many Adhd/Autistic folk. Please know this.

Please do not judge me on something that is simple for you but not simple for me.

That's called Ableism. Just stop it.

This is a long post. Just realised my right hand has pins and needles, I need a wee and I'm thirsty and I've got googledy eyes from staring at the screen and I've been chewing my tongue which is a tad tender now. Dinner has probably burnt (I popped to my Studio to do a tiny bit of Admin but umm got distracted with this and can't hear the Alarm from in here).

I'm also in an Autistic 'loop' which means I can't move away from writing this until it's finished/done/complete because Life is about Loops and Circles and that's a pain in the derierre but also how my best Art/writing/Research gets done.

Phone is about to die. Dinner still burning. Welcome to my Brain.

Yes I'm a successful Counsellor/Human even though lots of simple things are hard for me.

Pic description: view of Clouds blue and white over a green hedge and green grass. Beautiful day.