Pda Pete.

Originally published on 4th February 2024 on NeuroDiversity University FaceBook Page

A Friend just posted that they were able to complete a Demand (a painting commission).

If you are NeuroDivergent, you may have PDA.

PDA or Demand Avoidance or Pervasive Drive for Autonomy isn't always external Demands. It can be internal Demands too. PDA stops you doing things. A freeze.

I gave my PDA a name, Pete . Actually a Client suggested the name.

Pete is now my Friend. He's trying to keep me safe, maybe too safe, by making sure I am in charge of me. Pete was in a Masked coma most of my life because my nervous system shut him down, preferring to keep me in line for my emotional safety. I was a Masked People Pleaser and I never knew about Pete.

Nowadays, with knowing I'm Adhd and Autistic, Pete is out and proud and a rampant warrior coming out to play, like a frenzied LollyPop Lady, checking I'm safe to cross roads, in my new found Freedom of (mostly) UnMasking. Pete gets carried away and likes coming out to play a bit too much sometimes. So I try to strike a deal with him. I'll listen to him, I'll help him check for Demands and Pressure and Expectations that push me towards Conforming. Me and Pete are a Team now with respect for each other. And mostly, it's a friendship that works well. Sometimes he takes over and sometimes I win. But I try not to fight him.

Jill

Ps Whilst I can laugh here, PDA can be really hindering and harmful and I absolutely acknowledge and have seen, how damaging it can be to be Demand Avoidant. I don't see myself as having a big PDA profile, however in the same breath, 50 years of Masking is a pretty big impact and loss of my Authentic Self.

But still, my PDA is not Pathological and not huge.

Pic Description: 2 pictures of 2 different colour greens. A citrus type and an earthy muted green, I'm unable to choose. Whilst I really really want to crack on painting, Pete won't let me, so I won't fight him.