The Dark Side (and a bit sweary).

Being ADHD and awesome is easy. When I shine, I shine. Great.

But in the depths of most NeuroDivergents' shiny souls, is a lifetime (however old we are) of shame and confusion and overwhelm. Mostly it is old shame but occasionally it comes to haunt us.

Today is that day.

I am ok. It will pass, and now I know I am ADHD, I know 'why' this happens, why I have been confused and it is a teeny bit easier to bear. It passes much quicker now.

I am a professional. I am intelligent. I am capable. I am reliable. I am fecking good at my job.

And.

I have just had a meltdown.

I am trying to get business support to help me with my business Admin. Help 'because' I am ADHD. Because Admin is my nemesis. The process of trying to justify the support requires Executive Function skills. My Brain isn't hot on Executive Function.

I have to:

Get 3 quotes for admin support staff.

Fill forms in showing how many hours I need and what tasks someone would do.

Get 3 years' tax figures.

Provide a business plan of projected income.

I said to the (actually really lovely) Advisor "This is like asking a wheelchair user to walk to 'x' to get the form to apply for a wheelchair".

The thought terrifies me and I'm completely overwhelmed in tears.

It is so embarrassing to get emotional and panicky. I end up looking stupid over a few admin jobs.

Trying to explain to someone who has standard, able, Executive Function, why processing and ordering and memory are SO hard, is impossible sometimes.

Imagine being 8 or 12 or 16, experiencing this every day in school and using every bit of energy to explain this to adults and peers, who look blankly at you. Imagine not knowing why, because you can't get a diagnosis so you don't know you are NeuroDivergent and the literature is so out of date that we are told we aren't NeuroDivergent (when we are).

I'm telling you here because I know you understand. It is not our fault we have that part of our brain that is a tad wonky.

As an adult, I recover quickly from meltdowns.

Because I can reach out to my Community. To the most amazing ND friends I know, waving my arms above the parapet, sharing my snotty tears, in the midst of my meltdown, knowing I will get an instant squishy virtual hug.

I can manage this meltdown and reach out because I know 'why' my Brain does it (ADHD).

So to anyone who doesn't 'get it' and doesn't believe ADHD is a real thing, go away and take your ignorance and privilege with you.

If I could give up my NeuroDivergence I would not, because I would not want to give up my amazing NeuroDivergent Community.

Talking of which.

Boycott Spectrum 10K keep up the good work.

They are not having our Genes. There is nothing wrong with them. What IS wrong, is the lack of Understanding, Awareness and Acceptance this World needs.

❤❤❤❤

⚡ *flash alert emoji* This is just my experience. Everyone is different.