To be a Counsellor

I wrote earlier about how being a Counsellor is a vocation for many. A calling. Not everyone feels that way.

As a Counsellor I don't get to share much about my training other than as it shows on my website. I studied at a University. It was Person Centred.

And I want to share more, here, now.

Mine was ruthless.

I don't mean Academically although I did find it hard Academically.

Psychologically it was ruthless.

We were pulled apart and challenged. We were encouraged to be ruthless and share/learn about our inner world.

It was intentionally ruthless.

I remember saying at the time, it's like pulling yourself inside out and inspecting every part of you, in the hope that you can put yourself back together.

Whilst being watched and observed by every other student and tutor.

I was lucky that I liked my Tutors and didn't feel unsafe.

My struggles in being (unidentified) Adhd and Autistic didn't get in my way psychologically during the course. Academically yes but I fitted this course at this point and time in space.

I don't think that's true of everyone.

It never occurred to me to just get through the course. I'd wanted this for almost 20 years and my Imposter Syndrome meant I had to do it right.

I'm a literal Autistic. We were told to reflect so that's what I did.

I reflected on my reflections. I quizzed and explored and analysed every one of my thoughts and feelings and reactions and views and beliefs and mistakes and prejudices and dreams and fears.

Counselling training isn't something you simply learn to do.

It's not a doing thing. Although you do have to learn some doing things.

It's a process of preparing you for the monumental task of sitting with clients in their darkness.

It is learning about being Human from many different perspectives.

It is a role not to be taken lightly.

It is heavy and dangerous work because we never truly know the influence we have on a Client nor the consequence of what we say or don't say.

I spent 3 years at Uni returning week after week. We didn't have long breaks, we often still had class during school holidays. We met up more than we were meant to, to complete work with our Peers, to build Presentations, to practice some skills.

We saw Clients as Trainees. We had fortnightly clinical Supervision. We had to have our own Therapy but I would have done that even if it wasn't required. I needed it. Not because I was falling apart but because I took it seriously.

I'm Autistic. I am Monotropic and this new Counselling world was my Special Interest.

It was consuming and terrifying and glorious and wonderfully life changing.

We were warned that our own personal lives could unravel because of this process.

Unravelling meant we were doing it right although I don't think I knew that at the time.

Our own psyche had to have been dissected. It had to be constantly dissected.

At the end, after qualifying, you begin your career as a Counsellor, and that's when you realise you are merely a beginner.

And you continue to dissect yourself and learn and grow and do better. You will do this forever more.

I'm an old soul so this dissecting is ok for me. I've been doing it forever.

It's not obvious that I'm an old soul when you first meet me because I'm fairly ditsy and light. I can be funny and sweary. I often don't feel like an Adult. I'm still waiting to grow up.

Whilst also being that old soul.

And Autistic and Adhd.

I see my Autism as my old soul and my Adhd as my young lightness.

My Adhd takes all the glory, fun and attention.

I get overwhelmed easily. I fawn without consciously knowing it.

I delay process so I often backtrack and revisit things.

My memory is shite and I'm disorganised, often but not always.

Don't let that side of me fool you. It hides my seriousness and depth.

Underneath are my morals and need for justice. Underneath are my Professionalism and dedication, my thirst for learning and growing.

Being a Counsellor is a privilege and a gift.

I am knowing whilst also knowing nothing and both are ok.

I literally have no idea what the point of this post is and that's ok too.

Me, white person mid shot. I'm standing looking up towards the inside top of a cave on a Beach. Sand around/underneath me. Inside of the cave has light shining down from above. The cave walls are varying colours of purple and brown and green. I'm wearing jeans blue shorts, a navy jumper and all-colour scarf around my shoulders.