Trust the Radar.

Originally published on 2nd February 2024 on NeuroDiversity University FaceBook Page

I answered a question about School Refusal (I hate that term, Dr Naomi Fisher writes about this ).

Here's my answer:

What if school isn't safe and her anxiety is doing it's job well?

What if staff don't understand her which means they aren't safe to her.

What if she doesn't understand herself, so she rejects herself?

I'd start by checking she fully understands what being Adhd means.

So many Adhders are also Autistic. It's worth learning about Autism too. From folk who are Adhd or Autistic themselves. There's lots of good reading out there.

I'd encourage a sensory check. I have sensory struggles i.e. noise, lighting. I don't acknowledge the toll they have on me real time, until they've been removed.

If I'd been asked if I have sensory issues I'd have said no. That was my truth. I wasn't aware.

But a proper assessment helped me realise the invisible impact noise/light had on me.

If my body is struggling through noise/light, then I have less 'spoons' (look up spoon theory) which is why I then get exhausted from socialising even though I really really want to be sociable. I'm a really sociable person by nature.

If low on spoons and if I can't find safe people, then my body will try to alert me.

Then because I'm tired and I'm secretly running a marathon (that's what is happening if I don't cognitively register that my senses are triggered) then my tolerance is lower, then I can't think straight, then I can't learn, then my processing gets slower. Then I'm grumpy or can snap. And none of that is good. And the judgement towards me grows. I'm then judged for snapping. Can you see how a downward spiral can start without anything really obviously going 'wrong'.

The people asking us 'what's wrong' have no idea how to help because (if uninformed) we and they are stuck with no answers. This is a recipe for Trauma.

So many Adhd folk are stuck in Trauma without even knowing it. The shame, the gloom, the hopelessness, that comes with everyone's lack of knowledge and understanding is huge.

To add, being considered unfathomable, being looked down at, being ostracised, is an awful feeling and I think being a young person and being different, is so hard.

No wonder we find it hard to connect with others.

As dark as that sounds, the opposite can also be true. I need to shine some light here.

If we learn, share, if we Connect with like minded people, if we feel less alone, if we figure what our unique needs are, if we get those needs met (earphones, less bright lighting, time to pause and process cognitive info are mine), then we are more likely to go out in the world and thrive (after burnout recovery).

I can't not sometimes get overwhelmed but I give myself recovery breaks and radically accept that this is the ying yang of being me, without shame. It's a cycle I live by nature of my NeuroType, Awesome then rest. And sometimes awesome and crash. It's easier to navigate and predict nowadays.

Education systems do not match many ND (neuroDivergent) kids' needs. Noise. Light. Too much stimulation. Too little stimulation (too little stimulation paralyses me). So maybe 'school anxiety' is a fantastic radar that should be listened to and respected.

Maybe anxiety about 'anything' is a radar we should listen to.

I need to add that practicing regulation is a strategy I fully endorse, so that, when we have done all this work, the Anxiety Radar goes off and we respect it with trust.

However, regulation strategies that are aimed at squashing and silencing us, is NOT ok.

Just my ramblings.

Pic Description: Watercolour blob snails, 6, different colours, ink doodles outlining shells and antennae.