We know nothing but that's ok.

Originally posted 13th September 2023 on my NeuroDiversity University Facebook page.

None of us ever know what is needed to support Wellbeing and to thrive. None of us. No one.

That may sound a bit depressing coming from me, a Counsellor.

Bear with me as I explain.

It is literally all guesswork and trial and error. Informed guesswork. But still guesswork.

That may also sound terrifying but I would not trust anyone who declared they had the answer. No one has the answer.

Everyone's aim should be to avoid causing harm and to intend to do good. Those are Ethical guidelines for lots of Professions. Simple but crucial stuff.

But knowing what what will definitely work is not possible.

Informed, up to date Professional Training, is of course essential to even try. But even with that, we just try.

We use instinct, experience and logic to guide. But we still do not know what works.

So we just try.

But the most important thing needed first and foremost, is Connection.

Without Connection, trying stuff is useless because the only person that can give consent* to what we try, or to give feedback about what we choose to try and to discover what may work, is the Client.

The Client is at the heart of everything we do. It is for them, about them, with them.

If we Connect, then a Client will guide us and together we problem solve and that only happens in genuine Connection.

Connection can be faked. So can consent. Consent isn't consent if there is no other choice.

In genuine Connection we listen to each other, respect each other, learn and try and grow, whether that is Counsellor to Client or Professional to Professional.

Professionals should always believe they don't know enough and should always be learning from and listening to Clients.

Yes I learn from Clients.

Because my Autism is only my experience. What works for me does not work for everyone.

Stuff that works for me one day doesn't always work for me the next day because energy, ability and circumstance changes moment by moment.

So we have no guarantees, no miracles and no one size fits all anything.

There is so much harm (albeit unintentional) done to the Autistic community because of assumptions of knowledge, ignorance and promises.

New concepts and awareness are coming up daily within our community. We are learning more all the time.

Autistic Therapists, Autistic Occupational Therapists, and Autistic Psychologists. New Research being carried out by Autistic Researchers. Old Research by NeuroTypical folk being pulled apart too.

And still we will not know what works.

So we try stuff.

Trying stuff requires Connection to each other.

Connection requires us to be honest and genuine. We should show respect and that we care.

We should respect those who are important to our Clients too. And work really hard to understand each other. We build Trust. In trust we build Safety.

In Safety we find the ability and timing to try new things and to problem solve, at Client's pace. Within that Safety we discover that some things don't work but within that Safety we continue on and together we try again.

Connected.

This is how we find the things that sometimes work. That's the magic. The magic is not merely knowing stuff. The magic is Connection and Understanding and Trust and Safety.

So please. For the love of chocolate and humankind, focus on helping each Other feel Connected and Understood and Trusted and Safe because that sh#t is Pure f#ck8ng Gold.

* I'm not getting into conversation about legal consent, that's a whole other subject.

Pic description: My Therapy room where I learn and do my best to help Clients. Inside of a wood building, brown leather chunky sofa with cushions, window on the right showing darkness outside, grey Therapy Chair to the left, pouffe with blankets in the middle. This Therapy room is the Place I never really know what I'm doing but I care a lot and try a lot.