Change - the Good and the Bad.

It's been a really tough few weeks and things are still a bit difficult.

But a few days away in nature, away from life's normal demands, was just what I needed this last week as I spent 3 nights in Wales with a lovely Autistic bestie.

I have Privileges and I had space to be able to do this.

I choose to prioritise self care and wellbeing.

It still comes at a cost.

I close my diary when I need time out. I lose income. No one pays us holiday pay when we are self employed.

I choose cheap places, I pre cook meals. And take packed lunches and a flask for coffees.

It is still a privilege I can at least do that.

Another cost is dealing with change.

I always feel grumpy when I get home. Even though I love my home.

Readjusting to normal life always feels wonky.

The transition. Change. New (old) routine. New (old) smells.

It all feels jarring when I have to transition to a place and back from a place.

I feel gloomy and lost.

But I know now, I know it happens.

I understand myself. I understand why. I have self-compassion now.

I used to self-shame because I never understood why I would feel wonky even though going away is wanted and autonomous, and even though life is good and even when I've had a lovely time.

It happens any time I go away.

Before in the build up, and after.

Nowadays I know it'll pass and I know it's just an Autism thing.

My base-line Life is a good, happy one, so all is ok really, thankfully.

It's just a wobble I have and will always have.

And whilst it's not much to moan about compared to Others' problems, understanding ourselves really is key to our wellbeing.

It matters. It helps.

And the relationship we have with ourself really is the most crucial one we will ever have.

So. Welcome home to Me.

(Thankfully I love my Work and my amazing Supervisees too).

I'll be ok.

(I text said Bestie to see how she is - she's fecking grumpy too - it's always nice to know I'm not alone ).

Pic description. Me, yellow jumper, jeans, centre right, 2 horses next to me. I'm trying to eat my packed lunch but then hiding it because the horses try to eat it. I'm in a field on grass. I'm next to a tree as they approach. River behind me and a beautiful bridge. I'm nervous but ok. In Wales. I laughed alot afterwards.