I have ADHD Energy Bursts.
In the middle of the night, I had a million ideas and wanted to write about them and create lists of amazing things to do.
I have sensible adult responsibilities, and so sensible me had to prioritise sleep even though I knew the bubble of energy would die if I didn't catch it there and then.
Writing them down in the night to capture the power would have fuelled them and not calmed them, so I went to sleep. I forced myself and the power and exciting energy and thoughts were gone.
Sometimes, I can force it away; sometimes, I cannot. Sometimes, the burst is too powerful, and I must accept it's staying. Sometimes, time no longer exists, and it just takes over. If you interrupt me, boom, it's gone. The flow diverted, gone forever.
I can't choose when that awesome energy burst of ADHD will come. I can't book it in my diary or plan it, unfortunately. Often, when I actively want that burst, I'm slug-like, blank and empty. I guess it is like writer's block.
This is why I want to grab it when it appears. Those bursts are the creative, dynamic, exciting best parts of me I love. I am alive and vibrant and I genuinely am awesome at that moment. It is why we can struggle to detach from it.
We are expected to, or need to, prioritise sleep to be sensible. Sleep cycles are healthy, and sticking to schedules is good for us. But this unscheduled, purposeful, interest-based burst doesn't work to your rhythm or timing. You can't click your fingers to demand it.
Squashing it is tiring. Stopping it is tiring. Being told we are too much is tiring. Having nonstop and/or slug-like paralysed brains is tiring.
Being told we aren't good enough, when you demand we work is tiring. Being forced to focus when we can't focus on our thing is tiring.
Welcome to my ADHD Brain. I am sometimes a misdirection, dysregulated, unpredictable fireball of awesomeness.
We are different, not a deficit.
Get used to us.
Pic of a zap of energy, bright round lights on a dark blue background.
Blog from Sept 21.
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