I'm not made for the corporate World.

Originally posted 17th May 2023 on my NeuroDiversity University Blog FaceBook page

I'm not. I'm made for big hearts and big morals and big feels.

The corporate world costs me dearly. It HAS cost me dearly. It took away my authenticity, it created Imposter Syndrome. I WAS an Imposter. Drop the syndrome bit. I literally was an Imposter trying to do things the rigid, stifled, 'not-always-right', 'meant-to be-right'' way.

Rules and safeguarding stuff often prevents disclosure. It often causes lying and causes isolation.

I saw failed 'Professional' Connections because of rules. The rules that are supposed to help but don't. I am the most Ethical, caring, safe person I know. I AM a Professional.

But the closed, formality of being scrutinised and judged, alongside rules I do not agree with, showed me that systems and support that is meant to help the NeuroDivergent Community, actually isolate them further.

And I can't do it. I can't do Things I don't believe in.

This morning before starting my Private Practice Sessions, I needed to engage in something formal, dipping my toe back into that world. And I felt my spine, my back, creep and prickle with fear. I would have previously called this RSD or Imposter Syndrome. A failing or weakness in Me. Something wrong with me. Not now. Not any more.

I see that prickle as an alert, a warning. A helpful scream from my body waking me up, taking me to my tears and to my grief, taking me to the deep pain that comes from my soul, reminding me that I am not ok in that world. It is toxic and harmful to me.

And I got out my ear phones. I walked out of my home and took step after step down a beautiful hill and I took photos. I felt my tears.

I stimmed, flapping and moving with the beautiful rhythmic foot steps looking at the stimmy clouds and I joined in and connected with nature, connected to my soul and gave myself a big, shimmy, Autistic hug and reminded myself I am not alone any more, I do not have to allow myself to be harmed.

I am Autistic. I am ADHD. I am part of the huge Neurodivergent Pulse and Heartbeat that beats through nature pulling us all together from across the globe, through the clouds, the waters and in and out of our lungs.

I am different and that's ok now.

I am strong, with my tears.

I am strong, with my big feelings.

I am strong because of them.

Music also came with me on my walk. Kept me company.

What are your grounding Stims mon Amigos. What's on your Playlists?

Pic description. Blue skies, white clouds, bramble, white flowers, me, headphones in, bleached blonde short hair looking downwards.