It is not what you think.

Masking. It appears so often in a NeuroDivergent's world. But what is it, and why?

My old masked self had an identity. A way of living that was determined and created by external cues.

The world tells us this: People are to be outgoing and confident. Extroverts are better than introverts. You put others first. You do not upset others. You conform.

Those were the messages I took in for survival. I lived my mask well. I followed the rules.

But I never had 'me'. I never had an internal view of myself because I was masked. Even with Therapy (part of my Training), I never knew a Mask existed.

I recently went to a Party. Masked me would dance and be sociable. I'm not outlandishly extroverted, just a good egg and happy on the outside. I was happy as I was 'doing it right'.

This time, post ADHD diagnosis, I sat quietly, people-watching. I did not dance. The irony is that historically, masked, I would have looked confident dancing.

Now, UnMasked, I looked lacking in confidence, inhibited, not dancing. But I'm not. Now, I am truly happy—my way.

The outside presentation seems to be the only thing that matters to many.

Your Grades. Your possessions. It looks like you fit in.

Now, I am confident. Now I access the raw ADHD version of me. I have the freedom to follow my heart at any moment. No one else's validation. No one else's expectation. I am not living a movie of my life. I am just living my life, with the emphasis on 'me'.

If I want to dance, I will. If I don't, I won't,

and that may change depending on how many spoons I have, who I am with and whether I like the music.

Conforming, following others, and fitting in comes at a cost, and this is why we need to be encouraged to be true to ourselves to follow the beat of our Drum even if it is different to others.

This is freedom. This is living.

❤🧡💛💚💙💜