It's all Big here Baby.

Monotropism means I do things with force, I do them big, I'm all in.

Except that life doesn't allow me to go Big. It hasn't allowed it and I'm 55.

How can I be Demand Avoidant when I have a life that is full. Of. Demands.

Internal and External.

2 things can exist at the same time. I can be sad that I have had no freedom, that I am so needed in this life and I can also be so eternally grateful that I have that amazing full life.

Parents. Children. Grandchildren. Friends and Peers. And my utterly adored Better Half.

I am f#cking Grateful and Lucky and Privileged.

Life has been demanding though.

As I no longer have little ones of my own, I can now test out what it might feel like to not be available to someone or something. It's alien to me.

And that's how I find myself in a field, in my glorious ramshackled van, by the river, red lipstick on just for me, Airpods on (bonus as I'd lost them) listening to my Spotify 'fave tingly' playlist, practising Creative Therapies (on myself).

I'm lucky that I have a full Caseload. It does also mean there's just never time to submerge myself in a real Monotropic flow. I hate being interrupted. It hurts me. I hate knowing I'm limited by time. It is completely against my Monotropic need. So here comes a week of Art. Poetry. Collage. Music. Reading. All CPD.

As a Therapist/Counsellor/Psychotherapist, I AM the tool in my work.

Everything as a Therapist, I see, hear, feel and sense, comes through my Judgements, my bias, my own Trauma, my History, my hurts and my Lens.

As humans we rarely hear what is actually said. We perspective take, we distort. All. Of. Us.

It's why I'm in Therapy myself. It's why I have Clinical Supervision.

A Therapist is a dangerous being if not reflecting and not growing. If not honest with self.

We cannot ask Clients to go where we have not been ourselves.

Therapy is not merely about Knowing. Therapy is about being Human and raw and honest.

It's about Spirit and Soul. And mine is Monotropic. In this week of Poetry and Art and Solitude, I will flourish and delve and be. I will be Free and Monotropic.

Special thanks to my Creative Counsellors Membership Hub - I found a hidden piece of me in all of you. You know who you are. You inspire me every Day.

Jill

Pic description: my view, table with paper and pens, a book and my Airpods. In the background is a river, trees, blue/grey sky.